I’m about to share some uniquely personal information here… I actually have no other choice but to do so in this critical moment. I’ll be as quick and to the point as I can manage. Thanks in advance for receiving with your heart what you are about to read.
The Whitehawk blog opened in 2007 and kicked into gear in January 2008—six years ago. At the time I was involved in a long and often harrowing period of active kundalini. If you’ve been there (or perhaps are there now), you might have some idea what this means. If you’ve had awakened kundalini in a more sweet & subtle expression, you might not relate to the intensity of this experience, which is kind of like an ongoing electrocution from the inside, along with intense physical illness and super-sensory episodes in spades. My e-book will disclose much more about all of that, when it’s presentable.
So impacted was I by this whole long, extraordinary trajectory, I felt I HAD to share at least some of my experiences and insights with others who might be heading into similar depths, and so began this blog. The combination of the all-powerful kundalini and the related parallel process of ever-upshifting pulsating streams of incoming ascension frequencies is an extreme path to negotiate, and virtually impossible within the confines of life as it was prior to these energetic activations.
Ordinary Western life cannot carry on when kundalini is in charge, which it most certainly IS. If one lives in India—a culture that knows and respects the kundalini process—one might have a better chance of being understood and given certain considerations that are not typically available in America… land of mandatory “empirical evidence.” If it’s not physically tangible and measurable, it just doesn’t exist here, and warrants no attention or respect. Genuine, informed support for someone in the throes of active kundalini are an extreme rarity in the west.
The earlier years of my posts most directly adhere to my experiences within the kundalini/ascension domain. More recent posts have offered more commentary on or introductions to material coming from other experiencers and messengers that I felt worthy of your attention.
For someone experiencing kundalini, something HAS to give, and what typically must go is the standard all-consuming work grind. A person becomes so extraordinarily sensitized to the chaotic energies of commotion around them, made worse by a profound lack of sleep, it can become essential to seek refuge in a quiet ‘hermitage’ or nature-rich sanctuary far from the madding crowd… which is the way things went for me. I spent years of this ride in a huge American city, until I had no choice but to relocate to a very quiet little hamlet in the mountains. This move came four years ago.
During this time I’ve cobbled together income in ways I could muster, primarily taking editing work that I could do in the quiet of my cottage… when it was available, when I could, which has been far less than is needed to make ends meet. Stress and anxiety mounted.
My health has continued to go through “high strangeness,” manifesting a wide array of ongoing symptoms that I’ve been enduring mostly without medical support, due to the lack of financial resources (altho even if I were ‘loaded,’ most doctors would be clueless about the source of my symptoms anyway). Even alternatives like herbs, supplements, homeopathics and oils cost. This whole “life costs money” paradigm, even in the simplest lifestyle, has been plowing me under. This past year has been, frankly, brutal. Distractingly and distressingly so.
I’ve recently become aware that some of my physical challenges are likely to have been caused by long-term EMF and MICROWAVE exposure. Numerous stories re: this, but I’ll just offer the latest, being, over the last three months I’ve been living with neuropathy (nerve damage) throughout my upper body, which feels like a brush-fire under my skin. This is an intense burning, prickling, crawly itching sensation that has had me tearing and clawing at my skin to the extent that I’m mottled with bruises and extremely sleep-deprived. It’s not a surface condition, it’s sub-dermal; deep in there. It began immediately upon my taking a part-time job in an energetically toxic building.
I’ve been to a doctor for this (mystified; gave me B-vitamin prescription), and then last week a friend came over with numerous meters that read various rogue energetic ’emissions’ in the house. This is a real eye-opener that ideally everyone could experience soon, because ‘dirty’ electromagnetic emanations as well as microwaves (cellular towers broadcast, and all things wireless emit microwaves, and microwaves cook cells) have a catastrophic accumulative effect over time on ‘biological life forms’ … at least, it’s become very hard on THIS body. After getting rid of various electrical and wireless culprits in my space here, I’ve been noticing an apparent healing of this horrible subdermal burning… so… PROGRESS! Yaye!
Some amazing support – near miraculous, at times – has come my way from my community here. But everyone has their own ‘rows to hoe’ as the saying goes, and this past year has seen a preponderance of serious illness, death, and other forms of extreme hardship in spades in this little community.
Thank you for staying with me so far!! Now we come to my most acute potential heartbreak of this moment: I have to decide TODAY whether to surrender my precious kitties (pictured up top) to the local SPCA, or keep them with me. There is a rare opportunity for young cats from the local no-kill shelter (as mine are) to be relocated to another shelter up in New England, to be put up for adoption there, where they have more demand than supply currently—the opposite of our local “market.” The bus leaves in two weeks, and if my beloved girls are to be on it, they have to begin a series of medical preparations IMMEDIATELY, to ensure they are clear of all possible diseases and parasites by the time the transport departs.
This is a “Sophie’s Choice” moment for me (Sophie was forced to give up her daughter to Nazis during WW2); a terrible position to be in. Thing is, I worry that I won’t be able to give them the care that they deserve the way things are right now, and NOW is when this ‘surrender’ will have to happen. When “kitten season” begins, the New England shelter will have plenty of local cats for their own community, so this is a one-time “supply fulfillment shipment” from our local shelter.
Besides my own deep sadness re: the notion of separating from them is the likelihood of these two siblings being separated from each other up there – ie, one is adopted without the other, or they go to separate homes – because they are so bonded. For them to be separated after the frightening ordeal of being taken from me—the only home/”mom” they’ve known since they were sickly babies— and enduring a 12-hour ride in a cage, then undergo ‘processing’ in a strange building full of other stressed animals… well, any animal-loving person (or parent) might be able to imagine how it feels to be facing such an upsetting situation.
This is the last thing I will include here. Besides my kitties, the next immediate concern is losing my internet access in a few days. This is the most expensive ISP in the country, I believe, but it’s the ONLY OPTION where I live (other than very minimal WIFI, which I no longer consider an option anyway), so they have us by the short hairs. I depend on the internet for virtually everything: connection, communication, networking, job hunting, entertainment, everything. Next to food, a roof overhead, and my cats, my ability to be online regularly is essential to staying afloat here. Gah. Lots in peril in THIS MOMENT.
And what’s more—it’s my birthday this week! (Pulling out ALL STOPS here — shameless!!) And also – WE ARE ONE.
It’s difficult for me to put this out there, but I simply have to do this. I’m sending a call for financial support from anyone who is willing and able to release a few dollars in my direction, who can maybe relate to the very tight place I’m in currently, or who’s gained anything from the hundreds of blog posts freely given here and see the karmic value of returning some energy in the form of currency.
As I mentioned before, TODAY is critical. I decided to, in effect, gauge the “trend” of this situation by the funds that do or do not come in today, in response to my putting all this out there (which has taken way too long; the day is half over already). Not easy to do; I’ve been trying to pull up the courage to do this for days now. If support flows in today, I will feel encouraged about keeping my girls with me, and prospects in general – is it a supportive universe for Whitehawk right now? sort of moment.
Any amount deeply appreciated. The optional offer of “exchange” in the right sidebar might be of interest or preference. My transparent truth. Great, great gratitude and much, much love. Whitehawk.
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