Life & Death & that Single Separating Breath

I’ve been conflicted about sharing a recent experience with you. It’s a bit intense, and some might interpret the overall atmosphere of this post as morose; a downer,  because it deals with death. But my intention is to share something I found quite illuminating, once it became apparent my life in this world would continue! I believe by the time you reach the end of this post, you’ll feel uplifted.

Actually Inelia Benz’s new message provided the nudge I needed to go ahead and speak up re: this. She mentions being “down with a massive headache since the equinox.” Her message is the one immediately prior to (below) this one on the blog. I initially intended to included it at the end of mine in the same post, but mine grew too long.

So, on with my experience.stock-footage

Oh. My. God. The massive headache. I mean, obviously I’m not glad to hear that Inelia’s been suffering, but in honesty I was somewhat relieved as well because what happened to me in the wake of the equinox was incredibly intense. Alarming. To the extent I was genuinely concerned I might be on the brink of crossing over. Now I feel less alone, which makes this whole thing less about me and more about all of us in this energetic shakeup.

More about that in a moment… but as a lead-in, the confession that I’ve been acutely aware of death in recent weeks. Months, actually. Front-burner theme, coming from many directions, including sudden deaths of people in my orbit. Young(ish) people.

Two of these crossings – both women – were caused by brain hemorrhages. Spontaneous “brain bleeds” … sudden death.

Now, this looms a bit close to home, as I’ve had a lifetime of migraines, which have morphed into “strange new forms” since my kundalini revved up. Those who’ve read Kundalini Rising might remember my mention of this searing base-of-skull pain, which, to my understanding, was related to kundalini blasting full-throttle up into the skull from the spine. This is also the location of a chakra coming back online, to facilitate new telepathic abilities. Whether this chakra ‘sparking to life’ adds to the problem I’m discussing, I don’t know, but it seems worth mentioning.

These migraines have caused doctors to avoid certain prescriptions as a precaution against this very thing – hemorrhaging in the brain – possibly made more dicey by this ‘K portal’ into the skull during this extraordinary time of energetic influx from the cosmos.

This prevalence of the death theme – due to a sudden flurry of deaths around me, and also certain spiritual material I’m working with (editorially) recently – caused my “lens” for what happened to zoom in on the notion that I might actually be facing my own death. As we all know, focusing on a thing energizes it and expands its presence in one’s life, which is of course why we’d do well to always focus on what we want.

It went like this.

Shortly after the equinox (ie a couple of days), I awoke one morning with that intense pain at the base of the skull. Not a pleasant start to a day. As many of us are now aware, much “work” goes on through the night while our bodies and egos are clocked out. The ‘work’ can be all manner of training in the “night schools” as they’re often called, which we attend in our light bodies, or it can be work done on our physical/energetic selves, to help us adapt to the cosmic waves pouring in now. When I awaken with pain like this, I tend to wonder if I’ve received some form of ‘procedure’ during the night. Or maybe I’m just “gulping up the vibes” a bit too eagerly???

This extraordinary pain went on for days, and it isn’t something Advil can touch. After three days it started to let up, so I thought I was in the clear, but then it came on strong again. This problem took me out of the entire work week. And somewhere in the midst of it, I had an experience which I’m working my way up to sharing here, which was then followed by reading something that really thrust a specific phenomenon into the spotlight that I found fascinating, considering what I had just been through.

Forgive me for the long & winding road to the heart of the matter, but please bear with me as I come to the point!

During this week from hell – which I spent primarily in a fetal position with sound-reducing ear plugs and pillows piled over my head, intensely nauseated for good measure – I had a little experience. I think I was calling to my soul (higher self) for help… and then this is what happened: in my mind’s eye, I saw sparkling white lights flowing outward from me through what seemed like an invisible tube maybe 6″ in diameter. Hundreds, maybe thousands of small but very bright lights flowed with a coherence to them, ie, organized and not spilling out in all directions.

images-1While these sparkling lights were flowing out from me, another stream of the same kind of lights flowed toward me at the same time in the same invisible tube. The ‘dance’ of all these sparkling lights might loosely be compared to sweeping tidewater at a beach, the way it sweeps inward while also sweeping outward at the same time. These lights were sweeping in two directions but there was no sense of chaos or ‘collision’…

As I watched this two-way flow, it seemed as though a kind of communication was going on between the lights coming toward me and the lights flowing from me. Actually at the time I had the idea that they were “negotiating” in some way! I had no intuitive awareness of the content or meaning of this negotiation, just that this is what seemed to be going on as I was totally laid out in a world of pain.

Fast-forwarding now to a couple of days after this headache had cleared, I encountered a very brief but illuminating passage in a book I was reading with considerable interest. The book is a true accounting of The Afterlife of Billy Fingers (the title). ‘Fingers’ was a pseudonym the author’s brother had assumed during the last years of his troubled life.

The author (Annie Kagan) had an older, beloved brother whose life took a major turn into serious trouble – drug addiction and all the dark things he did to support his habit. His life ended abruptly when he intentionally threw himself in front of a moving car to kill himself.

Shortly thereafter, Annie began hearing his voice very clearly and started writing down what he told her. And I found his particular story to be particularly interesting! I won’t spoil it for you but it shed a unique light on the afterlife experience of a real “screwup.” I was drawn to the book in the first place because I too had a very troubled older brother who also passed. He never spoke to me from wherever he landed, though! Anyway, Billy had a lot to say that you won’t find in most ‘afterlife’ accounts. And he said it very well; very lucidly. He also sprinkled in abundant “proof” that his communications were in fact real, to make the story stand up to skeptics.

Here’s the part that made my jaw drop, which I read after my “negotiating lights” experience. It comes toward the end of the book, when Billy is telling Annie that he’s been losing the memories of his Billy life. He was losing all memories and ties to his latest life because he was moving on, apparently making the evolutionary leap off the karmic wheel. (This is what ascension is about, isn’t it!) Billy’s only remaining “memory” at that point involved Annie, because he and she had a soul agreement to write this book about his experiences after this life that he had “thrown away” on heroin, crime, and suicide… experiences that most would not consider even possible after a life like that.

This book is a gleaming example of not judging a book by its cover. Don’t judge a soul by its ‘appearance’ of a homeless beggar or gang-banger or lunatic talking to himself. We’re at the “end of time” here, the end of this great CYCLE. Humans are having all kinds of experiences that don’t look pretty. Could it be they’re just filling an experiential void or karmic check-point before they move out of 3D once and for all? See what I’m saying?

One of Billy’s very last “memories” that he was able to see from the ascended spiritual state he was in really struck me. He had been shown many things from his personal “Sacred Scripture,” which sounds to me like the akashic record of his life. He had been shown all the vignettes of his earthly journey, and had reached the end of his “book of memories.” He said to Annie:

As the white light touched me, it became a very specific memory: the memory of thousands of tiny white lights moving in and out of my worn-out sixty-two-year-old body, loosening my soul from my physical self. I’d seen these lights before. In my birth memory, these same kinds of lights bound my soul to my baby body. I think my death was a whole lot easier on them [laughs].

I added the underline. This was so interesting to read so soon after I had this “sparkling lights moving to and from me, seeming to be in a negotiation about my life. Indeed, “negotiation” was the only word on my mind while this was going on, which seems like a clue, doesn’t it?

Ode to the Blessed Elementals

I interpret these lights to be the “elemental” tier of human life – the energetic beings that most people never even realize exist, let alone know what they do or what they look like. These elementals are deeply involved in our lives, at the level where spirit interlaces with biology. They comprise the “team” that rushes in to specific places to heal us, for instance.

I was aware of their existence, but to be honest, they’re at such a subtle level, they are easy to forget about! When we ask for healing, we tend to think in terms of beings we can more easily imagine, and relate to, like angels or ascended beings or maybe relatives or saints. But these elementals exist where the rubber meets the road. They are essential. They are in endless service to us, and we never acknowledge them! And they exist throughout all of life – they are the code-carrying forces of light/life that keep plants, animals – all aspects of the natural world – in the flow of life.

I want to be totally honest with you and so will admit that this outrageous week-long pain was frightening to the point of feeling I’d been traumatized in the aftermath. I feel I could very well have been a ‘breath away’ from leaving this body, this life. It was that extreme. There was a negotiation going on at a level I couldn’t understand at the time, but at this point I believe I made an important reconnection to a significant aspect of life… these *blessed elementals* who are on the job, 24/7, keeping the sacred life force integrated with our human experience.

This nightmare of an experience ended up being the bearer of an amazing blessing – the remembrance of such amazing beings we have with us on this earth. What a miraculous system we have here! What beauty we have to come home to once all this 3D havoc is healed/cleared up at long last! (Or, to leave to the warriors to maintain, if that’s what ascension actually holds. The big mystery!) It will be so sweet to be back in conscious contact with all the “magical” beings that exist at higher frequencies. The way I’m feeling now, I’d like to kiss each and every elemental who’s been holding me up all this time through this life. Feeling the LOVE!

By the way, have you seen the fairies a university lecturer in the UK has been capturing in photographs for the past couple of years? Do you believe? :))

Big big love to you, Whitehawk

The-existence-of-fairies-3341380article about the fairies here


2 comments on “Life & Death & that Single Separating Breath

  1. Thanks, ever so much, for sharing your experience(s), Whitehawk. It helps us all with our own particular struggles … means a lot.


  2. Dear Jeannette, thank YOU for the acknowledgement! It means a lot to me to hear that my writing makes a connection… that sharing these experiences and awarenesses might serve a purpose somehow. Love to you.


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