Life & Death & that Single Separating Breath

I’ve been conflicted about sharing a recent experience with you. It’s a bit intense, and some might interpret the overall atmosphere of this post as morose; a downer,  because it deals with death. But my intention is to share something I found quite illuminating, once it became apparent my life in this world would continue! I believe by the time you reach the end of this post, you’ll feel uplifted.

Actually Inelia Benz’s new message provided the nudge I needed to go ahead and speak up re: this. She mentions being “down with a massive headache since the equinox.” Her message is the one immediately prior to (below) this one on the blog. I initially intended to included it at the end of mine in the same post, but mine grew too long.

So, on with my experience.stock-footage

Oh. My. God. The massive headache. I mean, obviously I’m not glad to hear that Inelia’s been suffering, but in honesty I was somewhat relieved as well because what happened to me in the wake of the equinox was incredibly intense. Alarming. To the extent I was genuinely concerned I might be on the brink of crossing over. Now I feel less alone, which makes this whole thing less about me and more about all of us in this energetic shakeup.

More about that in a moment… but as a lead-in, the confession that I’ve been acutely aware of death in recent weeks. Months, actually. Front-burner theme, coming from many directions, including sudden deaths of people in my orbit. Young(ish) people.

Two of these crossings – both women – were caused by brain hemorrhages. Spontaneous “brain bleeds” … sudden death. Continue reading

Transition States of Consciousness

I just reread this and it resonates with me strongly, still, and I’m suspecting the same holds true for many. Please read again!


Chaotic Nodes are clusters of chaotic events. According to the Hathors, Earth has entered a Chaotic Node and, as a result, we can expect ever-increasing levels of chaos—including but not limited to earthquakes, volcanic activity, aberrant weather patterns, ecological distress, as well as economic, social and political turmoil.

Transition States of Consciousness are what the Hathors call the in-between places when a major loss has occurred and we find ourselves temporarily poised between an old reality that has passed away and a new reality that has not yet fully formed.

Perceptual markers are a term the Hathors use to describe how we make sense of our world and navigate through our lives using our five senses.

The Message

By their very nature Chaotic Nodes tend to generate transition states of consciousness. Transition states of consciousness emerge when perceptual markers disappear. And when this occurs you enter a null zone in which your old reality no longer exists, or has changed radically, while your new reality has not yet come into existence.

Due to the fact that you have entered an even more intense phase of the Chaotic Node, we wish to share with you our views regarding transition states, in the hopes that you will be able to utilize this knowledge for your own benefit.

For our purposes we can divide transition states into three primary categories: 1) personal transition states, 2) collective transition states and 3) physical death.

Personal Transition States

Let us turn our attention to personal transition states first, for your personal perception is the pivotal point around which your perceived reality operates.

Continue reading

Grids & Gridworkers

Last week I shared an experience about my “contrary contribution” to the Grid that seemed an apt teaching opportunity for readers, in the Orb & Ark of Triumph post. This is a brief update on that theme, preceded by a personal note and followed by a link to an in-depth essay on gridwork that might speak to you, should you choose to explore it, and perhaps your role in it.

First, about the ARK vision — that ARK rising into the sky along with a whole lotta “Earth.” I associated this with the exodus of so many animals lately, and their own departure from the chaos of Earth to a brighter, ascended world. It comforted me to ponder this dramatic vision of the Ark in a field of Light, taking the animals to a better place, ie “summerland.”

This scene took on added significance to me when I had the sorrowful experience of witnessing (midwifing really) my dearly loved cat make her exit from this plane over the weekend. She died in my arms, which was, I believe, the best possible send-off scenario for her. She embarked on her new journey in the warm loving embrace of her Person who cherished her for 14 years—a tumultuous 14 years including the most intense family tragedies followed by years of profound, unpredictable & disruptive adventures driven by my awakened kundalini.

This brave and spunky feline, along with her sibling sister (who was the psychic seer of the two) were my anchors in this world more times than I can say. Kundalini took me into soular, cellular, and karmic depths… during which time much of my mundane life suffered. Plants died; relationships were critically challenged… but these felines stayed the course and blessed me profoundly with their soft, purring love & unwavering acceptance. I managed to keep their food dishes full, the litter boxes clean, and showered them with love and catnip. :)

It shocked me that not six months after leaving the stresses of city life (we moved to the country), one of the girls suddenly fell ill and left us. She finally lived in a place where she could enjoy the peace she craved for years. Her attuned perceptions and susceptibility to beyond-the-veil visitations that were part and parcel of our life back home were replaced with the pleasures of  bird-watching and quiet days in a beautiful rural setting. She was clearly so much happier here. Then — suddenly her health failed and she left. I could hardly believe this turn of events.

Now, 8 months later, her sister followed her to the next realm. To me, this feels like the final closure of a huge chapter of my life.

So I honor my kitties here, and thank them for sticking with me so stoically over the long haul. I love them dearly; they were precious companions and teachers through my shamanic dismemberment and beyond. I imagine them playing in the sun, chasing butterflies, and being in perpetual joy.

I anticipate a beautiful reunion someday. Meanwhile I am in good stead to carry on. {{{ Zoe & Maya }}}


Synchronistically, later on the same day in which I had the experience of being reprimanded for “groaning into the grid,” Daniel Jacob brought my attention to his essay about gridwork. Daniel communicates with a lovely group of beings who call themselves the Reconnections. Many, many wonderful messages have been filling Daniel’s website for years.

grid workCheck to see if you resonate with this message about grid work; I feel this is a portion of my ‘other-realm’ services. Considering we are Infinite Beings, capable of doing ‘dozens of amazing things before breakfast’ as it were… helping morph the lattice (several earlier posts discuss this) seems quite logical.

Love all,


“The internal cost of having one of the Bridge Gifts often involves a substantial loss of a person’s ability to separate from things that are unfolding upon the Earth.  They all seem to be happening within YOU.  One primary benefit of Gridwork is a tremendous expansion of personal authority and influence upon what happens here.  Those who do not have this gift are disinclined to believe that such power exists.  Those who do have it can become impatient with others who do not share their own commitment to the planet, and belief in their ability to affect it.”  ~ Reconnections, via Daniel Jacob

Giant Orb & the Ark of Triumph

More ‘big visions’ given in the astral the other day… will share here rather quickly as I’ve got a full plate o’ life at ground level to tend to currently.

So as you are likely aware, I am prone to having big teachings come through while my ego is out of the way. The other day I had a series of interesting messages, delivered rather dramatically.

Signal to Noise Ratio

Or: Snap Out of It — You’re Oozing Goo!

In the first one, I experienced myself as intimately involved with a grid-like structure… not too unlike the geodesic structure (pic) I posted here several posts back. By ‘intimately involved’ I mean… I seemed to be PART OF this structure, as tho it and I were components of the same architecture: I was a living breathing sentient who, at that moment, while plugged in to the gridwork (my body was literally interlaced with it!), was NOT consciously monitoring my thoughts (my output into the collective works, so to speak).

What I WAS doing was indulging in a generally woesome attitude… all the mass animal deaths lately, and weather disasters, and chemtrails, and HAARP, and all the sick and orphaned animals at the shelter I volunteer at, and my own dearly loved cat whose health is failing now as well, who will not be with me much longer… such were the “cooteous” things squirming around in my mind.

So, unbeknownst to my conscious self, I was transmitting what amounted to a low “groan” out into this “grid” with which I was entangled. With which we are all entangled in actuality. We are integral to the Oneness — an infinite cloud of quantum entanglement.

Suddenly a young man — a patrol guard of sorts — came along, and abruptly told me that what I was transmitting out into the grid was NOT HELPFUL to the All! His sudden appearance with this “news” jolted me out of my low-vibe, trance-like transmission and got me tracking back on the higher channel of awareness, being — again — that this is the “torrent” of change that is actually transfiguring our reality into a strikingly different (improved, healed, higher-bandwidth) world at a far more refined frequency. NOW. As I type here!  This is IT.  The Divine INFUSION. And my “contribution” at that moment was “broadcasting” a signal of sadness, loss, despair, etc.

I was emitting a “moan tone” that was contaminating the grid, creating “noise” rather than contributing to the clear, highly evolved “signal of Light” that is now seating itself as the primary harmonic on our planet. Remember the binary question: am I contributing or am I hindering the influx of light here?

This clearly demonstrates “the work” at the moment, doesn’t it! Even if we are not out in the 3D trenches putting food in the mouths of starving children, or retrieving drowning dogs from floodwaters, or whatever the cause might be, we ARE deeply participating in this shift. Remember what I said the other day about being a SYNAPSE? A channel, a closed circuit for higher consciousness and Light to flow into HERE? “Emanation,” etc?

This was a little wake-up moment, in which I was “caught” (maybe by an aspect of myself outpicturing as a guard) drifting into sloppy, unmonitored dark thoughts.

It’s natural and expected to have times like this — it is INTENSE on this planet! But we’d do well to catch ourselves and re-tune to the higher channel, because that strengthens the collective signal that needs to be the dominant wavelength. So I share this with you fwiw.

The Orb & the Ark

The next thing I saw was intensely dramatic. It was an inky black country night. Suddenly a bright (briiiight) light poured into my windows, shocking me into having the bizarre thought that the sun was rising in the middle of the night! It was very disorienting and a major moment to wrap my mind around: a giant ball of light was out there, as big as if a glowing planet had dropped down over the yard. Moreover, this disc of light began ascending FAST into the sky from right outside my window. I noticed it was more a cool, silvery-white light, like the moon (with about 10x the radiance) than the sun. When I got a good look at it, I saw that it was a GIANT, as in MEGA, luminous ORB.

If you’re familiar with the appearance of orbs, you know that the larger they are, the more complex is their “mandala” appearance. Could orbs be conscious lightships? Are the little ones generally photographed little scouts, while this phenom can take the form of a massive lightship of highly evolved consciousness? This was the impression I had while “taking in” what I was seeing — a hyoooge lightship orb was streaking by my windows on an upward trajectory.

What happened next was equally mind-boggling, in this visionary experience I was having. After the mega-orb, bright as a small silvery sun, rose past my window into the dark night sky, a gigantic chunk of EARTH rose into the sky behind it!

Imagine watching a small continent sail up into the sky, complete with its sub-surface collateral like dirt, roots, and rocks etc hanging beneath it as it lifts off. THEN a big window of light opens in the middle of it, and the image I was given in this window, in the midst of this chunk of ascending earth, was the image we all know as the ARK, as in Noah’s, surrounded by animals who are being taken aboard to survive the flood.

So I’m watching a massive chunk of earth lifting straight up into the night sky, and a “window” opens in the middle of it with a well-lit scene for me to “behold,” being the ark and the animals. Gahhhh, this was a biggie.

What I gleaned from this was ultimately comforting: entire species are currently exiting this planet. They ARE being received by their own version of an “afterlife” — a nice one. Much nicer than what they’ve had to endure with humans running the show down here. The ark (our shift; the ascension process) has come to take them “home,” perhaps along with other aspects of Earth, as well.

With my 3rd-density eyes and emotions, dying animals appear sad and tragic. (And worse, I feel shame around how vile humans can be to animals, when we are supposed to be worthy, compassionate stewards.) But it is all part of a divine plan that is so vast, we simply don’t have the conscious capacity to really, really comprehend it all. I try to speak to these things in this blog… hoping I contribute to the good in some small ways, with inspiring words and visionary images.

Bottom line: Source Creator DOES know what it’s doing, and a magnificent and complex consortium of assistance is here to help. The “negs” (negative influences) are around as well, making as big a stink as they can while their pirate vessels go down. They’ll fire off as many disruptive stink-bombs into the grid as they can before it’s all over. But the Light Prevails.

Never lose sight of this… and when you do (we’re human; times are intense), refocus asap.

The “torrent” continues to play out... and 2011 is likely bringing the most intense of it. Do not let the drama drag you down; remember, we are each a bundle of synaptic nodes in the grid of Light. Please continue to monitor your signal to noise ratio :)  Feel free and entitled to request assistance from Above when you need it (ask loudly with emotional oomph behind it!)… or even just as a matter of daily maintenance ;). It’s here and available.

Love all…


Birds, Shootings, Pole Shifts, 2012 & More

Birds, Shootings, Pole Shifts, 2012 & More as Seen by Matthew

This latest message from Matthew has a few unique items, so I post it here for your perusal and discernment.

Blessings, W

Matthew Ward — January 15, 2011

Tucson, AZ shooting; mass deaths of birds, fish; manmade weather; Wikileaks’ effect; Haiti; pole shift; human cloning; soul contracts, multiple lifetimes; 2012/Golden Age misconceptions, reality

1. With loving greetings from all souls at this station, this is Matthew to speak about happenings in your world as observed from our vantage point. By far the most requests for our comments are two matters of great concern to many, thus we begin by addressing those.

2. The shooting in Tucson, Arizona, was as reported, a mentally unstable young man’s attempt to kill Congresswoman Giffords and as many of her supporters as he could, but it was not the “senseless act” as often described. The shooter was acting under mind control and all who were killed or wounded either followed original soul contracts wherein they had chosen to participate in an event with “a higher purpose” or just prior to the shooting, they amended their contracts to include that incident for that same purpose.

3. While it was unquestionably traumatic on a conscious level for those who were wounded and their families, and a tragedy for all who loved the persons who were killed, at soul level the participants willingly served to force attention on the inevitable results of increasingly vitriolic rhetoric in a society that has become inured to that kind of speech as well as violence. Continue reading

New Cycle of Activations

The last few days have been “interesting.” I seem to be in a new cycle of energetic activation and thought I’d post about this because if I’m “in it” like this, I suspect others are as well.

Rude Awakening

The real “amperage” seemed to kick in three nights ago, when I was awakened by a rude and crude astral visitor who literally inflicted physical pain on me to, presumably, wake me up. Maybe also possibly to irritate me into action – plenty of which I was about to get. Now, a seeming irony here is, I had requested assistance from “upstairs” on a challenge I’d been having, before retiring that night. Wanted to state that detail before continuing as I will return to it later.

So: I’m rudely awakened quite literally. Next I find myself swept into a disturbing situation in a lower 4D (astral) realm. In this place, and in this particular bandwidth of awareness, I became instantly aware that I had a very frightening and large parasite attached to my crown chakra. I’ve decided against sharing a lot of detail here because I’d rather not feed the thoughtform! But this thing was burning and stinging me, and had a lot of hooks sunken into me. My immediate task was to get rid of it, which – cutting to the chase – I did. All very challenging and upsetting – this was dire!  If one’s crown chakra — one’s lifeline to one’s higher self (vision, inspiration), Source Creator, and Life itself — is blocked as completely as mine was by this dreadful thing, something serious could happen in short order. So after doing grizzly battle (ech!!) on my own behalf, the attached entity was not only dislodged but finally rendered dead and in pieces on the ground. This was intense stuff, and I spent most of the next day with a nauseating migraine and feeling quite shaken up. I also did much energetic cleansing of myself and my space.

The night after that, I felt for the first time in a while “the energies” humming in my body. Nothing else to report re: this other than it was happening. This isn’t unpleasant (actually rather comforting), and I just took it to be a little lightbody maintenance after recent events.

Back on the Job

Then last night I was in and out of body repeatedly and having quite pleasant experiences while “out.” Also of interest to me was my experiencing a bit more detail in the “exiting” process, which generally happens so fast I miss it altogether and just suddenly find myself elsewhere. Last night I actually felt a doorway or gateway of sorts opening, and my own “engines revving” so to speak to catapult my way through this portal to the higher realms. Kind of interesting and fun :)

One vignette while “out” – I was with an old friend checking out a “structure” that had a dilapidated old staircase in need of either extensive repair or replacement. We discussed this in a lighthearted manner, looking forward to fixing these ‘stairs’ because most of the rest of this ‘structure’ had already been prepared for ‘inhabitants.’ I take all this as symbolic of the kind of work many lightworkers do in the other realms while their bodies rest… tending to details pertaining to the shift. We are shifting into higher realms in an unprecedented wave here, and the troops are building bridges (or stairways ;) to serve the cause. Much of what happens “there” is interpreted through metaphor, etc, for the human mind to relate to. But the concepts are sound.  Anyway – last night was very positive and I was in good form once again after the perils of two nights earlier.

Doing Our Own Homework

So you might wonder why, after requesting assistance the other night, I was painfully harassed awake and then swept into this dark astral event where I had to fight for my life?

I believe that was my assistance. I was rudely awakened in a way that signaled my entry into an event I had to face and stand up to, myself: somehow someone had managed to rig me with that thing; I had no conscious cognizance of this, but my psycho-emotional state was in a nose dive for no known reason. I had to go into darkness so to speak and deal with it at this level.

This isn’t the “love and light” stuff you might expect to read in ascension-oriented material. This is an example of some negative form or force wanting to cripple or even kill one of the good guys. Lightworkers (for lack of a better term) draw attention to themselves by virtue of their noticeable light shining through the murky astral realms, irritating the locals.  I’d been feeling better and clearer after my recent move to this area (perhaps making me more conspicuous?), and also gearing up for a new “Light Project” when suddenly over the last week or two I have felt something distinctly off in myself. I was on a downward spiral so sudden, steep, and fast, I became alarmed and – three nights back – requested assistance to remedy this situation.

What I got was visceral awareness of the challenge; I worked it out to successful conclusion, and … onward ho!

Collective Astral Chaos

I wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. For one: the lower astral realm is in a tight and agitated squeeze with all the dimensional merging going on… AND it has just received tens of thousands of terrified new inhabitants in the wake of the Haitian earthquake. I imagine few of these souls possess a keen awareness of afterlife realms or how to navigate them. Most of them are likely dazed and confused … possibly not even clear yet that they’ve dropped their bodies. Their spirituality may have been voodoo-oriented as well; a rather fear-driven practice geared to controlling people or events. In other words: lower astral.

These souls need our affirmative prayer to help them flow to their right place to receive care and rest after their ordeal. Most prayers going to such events are focussed on the survivors, but the dead are in every bit as much chaos, if not more so, because they have the extra data to deal with, being – they died! I have no idea if the recent commotion in the astral had anything to do with my sudden acquisition of that thing in that realm… but I do want to encourage anyone with any inclination to help, to clearly AFFIRM (as opposed to request politely! be affirmative!) that all souls involved in the Haitian earthquake be found and lovingly tended to in the afterlife realms. Similar events are likely to follow, so please join me in getting something of a routine in order to help out when needed.

Another point I’d like to make is to remind everyone (as I’ve just been reminded!) that we are NOW coming into our fullness as Conscious Beings. I mean REALLY CONSCIOUS… of ourselves as expansive, luminous beings of Light in our own right, and part and parcel with this condition is, we have got to stand for ourselves in the universe. If we are to ascend into our rightful status as awake and aware, noble creator beings in the cosmos, we cannot just go whining for angels and guides to DO IT ALL FOR US. The learning is up close and personal… and we are ALL architects and builders of our personal “stairways to heaven.”

Solar Emissions & Kundalini

I have another point to mention as well. The sun has recently entered a new, very active, “solar flare” cycle, after an unusually long period of dormancy. This brings extraordinarily powerful electromagnetic bombardment to the earth and all who live here. This is exactly the kind of atmosphere that can cause kundalini to activate… or amplify if it’s already “going.” If you are an empath, and/or your energies are suddenly going like gangbusters, the solar activity is likely the reason. The sun is INTEGRAL to the whole ascension process, as it receives the galactic photonic flow and assimilates and disseminates it to the local solar system. This can trigger various shifts in your energy bodies as well as planetary bodies!  If you have protocols (homeopathics, herbs, excercise, etc) that provide comfort, have them available, as the show is on the road.

Love all~


NOTE: For more on the astral plane, you might check this blog’s dedicated page on the subject. Also search “astral attachments” online for plenty on this subject.

Energetic Adjustment

As I’ve shared here before, I’ve recently moved from a major metropolis to an extremely rural location. Over the holidays I’ve received numerous inquiries along the lines of, have I been homesick?

I have not been homesick, actually. I am making a new home and feeling I’ve made a fantastic move for this period in my life. So – homesick? No.

But I have been sick sick. Since I’ve relocated I have been struck with an array of “medical emergencies,” none of which received medical attention. One of these was the accident I posted about in Spontaneous Healing. That was certainly an affirming experience, but what I’m referring to now are seemingly random and strange illnesses. I’ve been hit with all kinds of them since living here, and I’ve only been here two months.

What’s the deal? I’m generally thrilled with this new life. Breathing clean country air, drinking pure (I think) underground spring water (no chemical processing AT ALL, takes like heaven!!), and doing a fair amount of walking and “other exertions” (like shoveling snow!). Generally I feel that I’m detoxing from years of big city life, palpably and joyfully. The soot is clearing from the chimney :)

Meanwhile, tho, my “bodies” (physical and energetic) are getting slammed left and right. This is actually remarkably like all the weird physical problems (some quite severe and frightening) that can come up when active kundalini is in the vessel. Actually a fair metaphor for active K could be a can of pop shaken vigorously, and that effervescence under pressure needs to move up and clear out! Maybe my kundalini has been awakened a bit by the higher energies of this region I’m in now, and bumping into new layers of physical karma to “move.”

Beneath this whole lush valley I now call home lies a bedrock of quartz crystal; it’s this energy that attracted Robert Monroe to build his institute here in the first place. And my new community is consciously “awake,” in contrast to the harsh prevailing dog-eat-dog vibe in Chicago. Crystal is an energetic amplifier; I may well be getting energetically accelerated by living upon the very land here.

Is the “sparkling spring water” I’m drinking stirring up “sediment”?? Hopefully this water isn’t carrying something my body isn’t taking kindly to — a turf war between local elementals and hard-core, city elementals??!

[Afterthought -- and why didn't this occur to me sooner?? -- the underground springs coexist with the crystal bedrock, so it stands to reason that the water would be energized BY the crystal! Which then transmits that 'juice' to we lucky ducks who drink it :-D]

I’m just ruminating here. After having been through years of kundalini, with all its gifts and challenges, I seem to be in a new round of something. Perhaps it’s a combination of my new environs and the accelerating energies on the planet in general that are ringing through my form. The new energies are likely broadcasting through the local crystal earth at high and strong frequencies, and through me by proximity.

I do sense this health commotion is an energetically-sourced situation. It will clear in due course. Otherwise … I may just have to see the upcoming Light Show from a skybox on the other side. Not that I’m anticipating this scenario! I’ll adapt, as I always have.


If by any odd chance you do not subscribe to the idea of energies/vibrations affecting your body, consider how vibrations such as these (tones in this case) affect your cells – and by extension – all they comprise (you!):

The Arc of a Life

Bon Voyage, Terry

Last week a man I knew succumbed to brain cancer. He was one of the senior figures in the local metaphysical community — he’d had stores and expo booths and ‘centers’ and so on for decades. He was something of a character — passionate about Harley Davidsons, for instance, and spent much time cruising with biker buddies in his day. He also had a penchant for dallying with women he met along the way (working his Libran charm), to the perpetual despair of his wife, who ultimately divorced him after many years of hanging in a not-married, not-legally-divorced limbo, while their kids grew up. He had a distinct streak of rascal in him, and commented regularly that he regretted nothing.

I met Terry about 10 years ago, when I’d heard hethoth
was running groups at his center on a subject of interest to me. After attending one group, Terry suddenly started calling me for long conversations. He hadn’t even realized at first that I had been to his center; he’d received my card from another (forgotten) source, and just called me — a stranger — to discuss this interest he’d heard we share. And then he called again, and again…

Meanwhile, I wasn’t particularly resonating with his groups, and stopped attending. But one thing that did come of this crossing-of-paths was friendship with a woman who was Terry’s primary support person at the center. Turned out she was much more than “support” for a long time. However, what eventually transpired was, Terry just suddenly told her to leave — him, the center, everything.

She was devastated; he was The One to her, despite
his fuzzy marital status at the time (among other questionables). The center was also
her community. When he banished her from himself and everything/everyone else there… well. She went into a vortex of tremendous pain and darkness, and began phoning and emailing me with every detail of her experience — the relationship with Terry, her misery, all this stuff she had kept bottled up for years — because he was a teacher/therapist, after all, and she had loved him and remained discreet.

During this terribly awkward period, I had Terry calling for long philosophical talks, during which he also “explained” his relationship with this woman; and then she would call to continue her processing-of-everything, and these two stories (he said/she said) were vastly different. Terry was clearly trying to keep a certain image of himself intact, and the woman’s stinging emotions were exploding like the fermented contents under pressure they’d been for so long. Being in the middle of all this fast became a source of considerable unease for me; I ended the “chats” with Terry, and have maintained a friendship with the woman to this day.

Fast-forward to more recent years. Terry was still running his center, and had found a woman to partner with in the business. She became a very popular draw for the suburban seekers who frequented their programs. She also had more business and legal savvy than Terry, so he had quite a nice thing going for awhile. It was during this time he graciously encouraged me to run a few of my own experimental groups there, for which I was appreciative. The center flourished; the partner’s contribution was extensive — via her popularity and also her financial ability to bring many upgrades to operations. However, again, behind the scenes, this partner and Terry had something going on that soured, and she pulled out, leaving him with quite a void that would never again be filled.

Downward Spiral

All kinds of trouble ensued from that point: a new “assistant” came to help him, who blatantly flaunted to anyone within range that their relationship was “more.” Curiously, he seemed happy to let her go on like this; what it was about this one that was different than the others to him? we wondered. (I’m suspecting his advancing age was an influence; she was very young… ) However, she betrayed him, taking anything of value that she could from the center — and trotting over to someone else with it all, literally giving the other guy a “spiritual-center-in-a-kit” with which he opened his own similar business, downtown! He even named it almost verbatim the name of Terry’s place. It was incredible. Had Terry done something to make this woman angry enough to retaliate like this?  …Or had she always perceived him as a “mark” to be swindled this way?

Next up, in short order: the river next to the center flooded, washing out the entire place and its contents. (Quite a metaphor for all the emotional turmoil that had been wrought there!) Complete disaster for Terry, who apparently had no insurance to help with his losses. End of center, and a heartbreaking time for him. Almost immediately thereafter, he started suffering ‘spells,’ which were ultimately diagnosed as seizures due to brain tumors.

At this point, re-enter both his ex-wife and my friend, the “banished lover.” The ex — living on very modest means — found herself taking care of all of Terry’s worldly affairs as his health deteriorated. The burden she assumed was formidable; no point in going into detail. Then, in an interesting twist, my friend also stepped back into the picture, and became a source of primary emotional support for Terry, visiting him almost daily in the hospital, as he was letting go of life. She drove a long way each day to pay these visits, again offering him her love as his time neared, which he seemed to enjoy.

What was interesting to see (from my “bleacher seat” in this whole drama), was these two women — former enemies flanking this man at one time — becoming friends and support for one another. These two souls, of all the people in Terry’s life, stuck it out with him to the bitter end. My friend remarked Terry was her main teacher (not to mention love) in this life, and even on his deathbed her learning continued… if not by his intention. Her compassion for him was, in turn, a learning experience for me! She has inspired me in recent months with her giving spirit.

Terry transitioned within days of Ted Kennedy’s passing of the same disease. My friend (remaining anonymous here, as are all parties involved) discovered his two young-adult kids outside the hospital upon her daily-visit arrival; they told her she had missed him by about an hour. She went inside to console his ex, and the two of them ended up spending hours at a restaurant, talking it all out about this man they both loved more than anyone. They had plenty to share with one another: good, bad, and downright ugly.

Such was the arc of one man’s life. Kind of sounds like a new age soap opera, doesn’t it.

Terry’s wishes were to be cremated, and his ashes scattered upon the Nile. (He was into all things Egyptian. His remains, however, will not likely make it to Egypt, though the actual plan has not yet been revealed.)  My friend and I have pondered what kind of afterlife scenario might have greeted him, and what he’s been up to since crossing the great river. We also wondered — why brain cancer? He was all about the mind; any connection? Perhaps now this and many questions he had about the greater scheme of things have come to light. God speed, Terry.

(Post script: After finishing this post, I happened to hear an excerpt of an interview with Mona Lisa Schultz, the medical intuitive, in which she claimed that when a person’s crown chakra is blocked, it it indicative of their disconnection from Source, and what is likely to follow is a fatal disease. It wouldn’t surprise me if Terry’s last couple of years of tragedy instigated a disconnect like this. I send him prayers… )

Icons of Youth

Having just flipped through morning news programs (Today and GMA) to catch the “latest” on Michael Jackson’s passing, I was hit with so many ‘pop messengers’ of my youth, I’m sort of reeling here!  Not only Michael Jackson, who DID rock my rockin’ soul when Thriller catapulted onto the scene (and — in what I call one of my “Forrest Gump” brushes with fame, I actually “phone met” Michael — more below), and Farrah Fawcett, whose image was held up for all girls of my day to emulate (a virtual impossibility for most of us)… but when I flipped on GMA, there was the cast of HAIR performing in a revival!  I had seen HAIR 3 times before I was of age to drive, but was already totally into “hair as Jesus wore it”!

My formative years are suddenly right in my lap today.  Interesting.

(Post script at the opposite end of this day. Just learned a party I’m attending tomorrow has become a 60′s theme! What’s with the sudden time warp?!)

So, my minor and, in a way, star-crossed encounter with Michael went like this. I worked at the time in a small, boutique software development company. One of my earliest jobs, and a unique situation: the company was owned by three partners who were very spiritually oriented. There were fewer than a dozen employees in this company, developing software for Macintosh computers, among other clients. We had stylin’ offices on a very high floor of prime real estate overlooking Lake Michigan; a stunning situation really. We meditated together daily on the success of our business and our lives. We did kundalini yoga together. The ashram these partners lived in was two blocks from where I lived, all of this on the north shore of Chicago.

The Jackson connection was by way of  the group these partners belonged to: they were American Sikhs. It was a Sikh who was Michael’s live-in (and travel-with) chef — all vegetarian, and as organic as possible at the time.  So: Michael came to Chicago for a concert at the absolute height of his scalding hot career, with his chef. The chef visited our beautiful workplace on the 55th floor with a view of almost forever across the water.  As it happened, I was in the office alone after this visit… guess I was working late that day; the receptionist was gone, as was everyone else.  The phone rang, I answered, and it was Michael calling from the hotel, looking for his chef!  ~ who was no longer there.  I simply took the message to have [chef] call Michael back if/when I saw him… a very mundane little conversation with this mega-star with an unusually high and soft voice.

What also happened during this Jackson Chicago visit was, I was offered a free, front-row concert ticket.  Incredibly, when I got my voicemail to rendezvous “tomorrow at 7:00″ … it already WAS tomorrow.  I thought I had a pass for the second night’s performance, when it was the first night I had been invited to!!  So the morning after the performance at which I was expected to hook up with these people… I got a rather heated call asking where I was, how could I not show up, etc… Ack.  I missed a free front row (and possible post-show schmooze) Michael Jackson opp.  Sigh.

Michael’s career (and life) needs no further comment from the likes of me!  He went his own highly unique way, and in this one regard, I can relate.  It tends to be challenging to live one’s own truth in a world that ‘stands collectively’ for something altogether else.  At this moment, knowing what I do about the immediate afterlife experience and how the emotions of the living can affect the “newly liberated’s” experience, I imagine Michael’s soul is caught up in the tsunami of human emotion right now; the grief of his fans.  I send him — and Farrah — light, acknowledgement, and prayer for peace on the next leg of the journey.  Wonder if they saw each other on the elevator?

40 Tales from the Afterlives

A fluke brought this quirky book onto my radar this morning: Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives, by David Eagleman. Befitting that he grew up in New Mexico; he seems to possess an enchanted mind. Young guy. He dreamed up forty potential afterlife scenarios; some thought provoking, others not; my appreciation is mostly in his ‘going there.’  I’m listing the gist of each one below. His bio says, among other things, that he currently runs a neuroscience research lab where he studies time perception, synesthesia, and how neuroscience will influence the legal system. (!)  I’ve decided he’s a POI (person of interest) and am giving him some of my blog space today; a refreshing character. BTW, the graphic is unrelated to the book; I just put it in here.

Following are 40 potential afterlife SUMmaries explored in SUM: Forty Tales from the Afterlives (courtesy

SUM- After you die, you relive your life, but with like events all grouped together: 30 straight years of sleep, 1 year of reading, and so on.

EGALITAIRE- God lets everyone into Heaven, instead of sending some people to Hell. This just makes everyone miserable.


CIRCLE OF FRIENDS- You relive your life in a world made up of only the people you met in life.

DESCENT OF SPECIES- You are allowed to choose who to be in your next life; you choose a horse.

GIANTESS- God is cosmically huge and unable to comprehend the concerns of humans.

MARY- God’s favorite book is Frankenstein, which resonates with him because he is a creator who has lost control of creation.

THE CAST: After you die, you are sent back to the world to play bit parts in other people’s dreams.

METAMORPHOSIS: You never truly die until the last time your name is spoken. Continue reading

Blue Trees

I’m amazed at how little I’ve been posting this summer!  I’m writing an essay about kundalini for publication; I look forward to that being out in the world!  I also have a post knocking around in my mind about the ‘new energies’ waiting to spill forth. (That is, the writing is waiting to spill forth; the energies are definitely already spilling!)  Meanwhile, I had a curious little experience this morning I thought I’d share here.

Got up shortly before 6am… made coffee, and settled down to scribble some ideas about kundalini.  Three hours later, I *suddenly* had to ‘conk out.’  This happens sometimes; I just need to shut down, even though the day is just beginning.  Flopped on the bed, and instantly noticed the Vibes buzzing throughout my whole body.  A gentle, undulating vibration.  In the next moment I was ‘waking up’ in the back seat of a car, driving through a beautiful country landscape.  A friend of mine was up front, having a philosophical conversation with a young (college age) girl sharing the back with me.  I sat up (interesting I’m ‘waking up’ there just as I’m ‘zoning out’ here) and began gazing out my window at the passing countryside while their conversation went on.

I became mezmerized with what I was seeing, which was, an abundance of luminous *blue* trees adorning the countryside!  There were green ones as well, but these rich blue ones really commanded my attention.  At first I thought they were blooming fantastic flowers that I’d never seen before — but no, it was the leaves themselves that were this astonishing brilliant blue that stood out as though lit somehow.   They made for a stunning presence in a rural landscape!  I was amazed that my companions could be involved in an intellectual discussion while this fantastic phenom surrounded us!

When we came upon a sweet little homestead next to the road, I asked that we slow down for a close look at the trees, which we did. These trees, however, were not blue.  Rather, they had shimmering white leaves, with just a hint of light green around the edges.  These white pearlescent trees nestled up to a cute, white country house were enchantingly picturesque.  Everything seemed so fresh, so perfect, and so… out of the ordinary! We seemed to be traveling through an alternate landscape, or lifescape.  I was delighted to be there — whatever. wherever it was!

But all too soon, I was jolted back to beta consciousness here by thundering heavy machinery leveling out a neighbor’s yard, where the most glorious guardian tree in the neighborhood reigned until last week, when they had it taken down (an agonizing FIVE DAY process, so majestic was that tree) in favor of a patio.  I grieve this insanity still.  Perhaps my little “trip” today was to the land of my beloved tree’s afterlife, where trees thrive forever – donning any color they choose, in a beautiful rolling landscape with other trees –where all lifeforms coexist peacefully, and thoughtless humans pose no threat.

Saved by Zero (Point)

I have a tendency to return from meaningful “excursions” (OBEs) with audio coming from… who knows whereNot the physical environment. For years, for example, I had a major series of highly strange nocturnal adventures — off-planet, ET experiences — and when they happened, I’d be “brought back” to my body (and 3D awareness) by the sound of ringing bells (except the time I returned to the roar of a real black helicopter hanging outside the window, over the backyard, seriously). ALL KINDS of ringing bells would bring me back, it was pretty wild. Could be door bells - single rings, two-tone rings, melodic rings;  sometimes phones ringing - digital ringing, old-fashioned phone bells ringing, or cellular ring-tone sounds;  also sometimes buzzy rings or school-bell rings. Any kind of bell I’ve ever heard was used somehow to rouse me from a significant out-of-body excursion of some sort, as though to ensure that I remember (and in my case, document) the experiences I was having, as opposed to just zoning off and sleeping them into oblivion. Today, I’m still being “returned” to ordinary consciousness by sounds, but these days they tend to spoken messages, or sometimes music.

zero pointA few months ago I had a fantastic adventure going on one morning, in which I was with my mother (who is on the ‘other side’). She was giving me a tour of the “new earth,” for lack of a better term, and providing clues as to my place in it (I’m ready for more details, Mom!!). I’ve had many excursions to where we earthlings are ultimately heading (to my understanding) - which I interpret as a higher dimensional plane — 5D, actually, will be the new “home base,” with access to beyond from there. So anyway, I’m out and about with Mom, and seeing some pretty cool “construction” going on at this site she brought me to. It resembled a charming village in mid-manifestation. The buildings were visually very appealing, and had zero ‘carbon footprint,’ presumably because in 5D all creation consists of light energy (as do we in our energy-body state), so there is no wasting of resources or bothersome  issues like pollution. Photon energy is what it’s all about (which will be abundantly clear to all, very soon), and it’s free & permeating; there is no place where it isn’t. (I can hardly wait; this energy is inherently 100%  corporate control PROOF.) While, still, in higher dimensions we do enjoy creating things like buildings, landscapes… all kinds of environments. And, no money down.  Ever.

What brought me back from this intriguing visit/tour with my mother was… yep… a “sound track” (interesting that in one of my professional realities I’m an audio producer ;-) which in this case was, of all things, the 80′s FIXX song, Saved by Zero. Saved by Zero was playing in the astral around me and brought me into full beta consciousness, where I somehow ‘grokked’ that Saved by Zero was playing for me to understand (appealing to my rock-n-roll culturalization) that the solution to our troubles on this earth (ha, the fixx) has to do with our realizing the existence and purpose of what’s called the zero-point field, or zero-point energy.  And, while I was familiar with the phrase, I never really understood just what it meant.  (I never understood the meaning of the song, either, for that matter!  It was compelling, mysterious, and very cool, but beyond that… ? )  A physicist I’m not… but I offer this post as my pedestrian pass at what ‘zero point’ means to ME.

It has to do with the ultimate creativity (meaning, the ability to create directly via the photonic ethers, as the godlings we are; where matter and antimatter meet and are shaped through emerging human skillfulness) and the heretofore unimagined *power* we  actually CAN access.  We have been so tragically brainwashed to believe in limitations, that what we are REALLY capable of — when the notion is entertained at all — tends to frighten rather than inspire us!  We are AFRAID of our magnificence — our limitlessness — and this fear is our ultimate disability. We spend 90% of our life force anguishing about out how to pull in enough MONEY in an increasingly challenging context, when actually we have every right and capacity to bypass this man-made (and increasingly elite-serving, as the middle class is being squeezed out of existence in the US) device altogether, if we’d simply Wake Up. We are like the circus elephants who lived chained to stakes in the ground, and when the day of liberation finally freed them, they STILL would not venture beyond the little 10-foot radius of their previous bondage because they simply didn’t notice they were free!

This sounds like fevered “magical thinking,” but I say to you: life IS magical; infinite wonderousness is the very nature of life, and US.  We have just forgotten — and doom ourselves to accept the densest, lowest channels of ‘mass belief propaganda’ to dictate and re-dictate our experience in an illusional rut.

For humans, entertaining notions of our true, divine inheritance tends to bring up “files” of things like being burned at the stake (or whatever trend-of-the-day, public-spectacle torture) to make sure we stay in line, and keep the entire population paralyzed and dumbed down as well. Today, the manipulation of money (been to the pump lately — while oil magnates are reaping obscene record profits?) and the never-ending omnipresent onslaught of fear programming coming at us from ALL DIRECTIONS keeps us in check; keeps us intimidated and MANAGEABLE. If, for instance, we ‘decided’ we didn’t have to buy into dictated limitations re: “what is” anymore, and levitated out our front doors for the neighbors to behold… what would happen? Rampant panic would happen, unfortunately. Which would then lead to an attempted lynching of SOME sort. Lucky us; we are on this earth at a time when the fabric of its very nature will change before our astonished eyes, thanks to the galactic energies streaming in.

But, back to zero point.

In my current operating system, zero point is a level of reality that is VOID OF HABITUAL 3D LIMITATION; it is lush and flush with infinite potential. It is the field of all things possible, a zone of open neutrality that is not jerked around by polarized forces/agendas. It may sound like an infinitessimally minute point in existence (being zero), but when you focus on it — tap into it with your mind — it springs open into quantum INFINITY, and awaits the staggering fertility of juicy & luminous IMAGINATION to fill it with energized, perhaps “impossible” ideas to manifest. I think of zero point as a zero-friction energetic access portal to beyond-miraculous creation of the BEST that the divine human can pull off.   Zero point is the oven in which we cook the feast of our highest, divinest thoughtforms re: what life can BE into existence.  Zero point, and our access to it, is our passcode to the higher realms.  It is the point of entry into heaven on earth, the eye of the needle through which healed hearts will enter (and proceed to co-create) the kingdom of the transcendent future.

It is our ticket to salvation; we will be saved by zero point, when our consciousness catches up to this understanding. Please join me in contemplating this; it will accelerate our progress.

My beloved mom is pretty cool STILL ;-)  I honor her, and all my unknown foremothers before her, this Mother’s Day. xoxoxoxo ~ Whitehawk

Afterlife Serenade

I recently attended the memorial service of a man who lived a full life and died at the age of 91.  He was a Naval pilot in WW2, and enjoyed flying his whole life.  I’d never attended a military service like this before; much respect was paid by a group of Navy officers in their dress blues, performing the ceremony with the American flag, folding it up carefully, presenting it to the widow with some very touching words of appreciation re: Bob’s service to our country.  What I didn’t see coming was the sudden firing of seven rifles right outside the open doors of the funeral home — I almost launched from my body right there in the chapel!

The most interesting and unexpected moment in the proceedings came when the deceased’s daughter stepped up to deliver her part of the eulogy.  She told us how, very early that morning, she couldn’t sleep, and so went into her office to write up what she would share about her dad during the service.  She brought a CD of Native American flute music with her to play while writing.  (She had the CD with her and held it up for us to see: a professionally published CD with a lovely Native American painting on its cover.  I include this detail to clarify that it wasn’t a home-made recording. )

She then proceeded to tell us that, when she put the CD in to play, the flute music she expected to hear was gone, replaced by “The Spirit of St. Louis” – a song from the album, The High and Mighty: A Century of Flight,  which was the sound track for the same-named 1957 flick about Lindberg and SpiritflyingThe Spirit of St. Louis piece is about Charles Lindbergh’s ground-breaking 1927 flight across the Atlantic, an event which no doubt inspired  the “guest of honor” in his youth to become a pilot when he grew up.  So Gloria (daughter) kept getting a 29-second recording of Spirit coming from her player instead of the flute CD she had in the drive.  The CD was now BLANK other than the SPIRIT music on there!

Touche’ Bob :)

Gloria’s dad, known to be a fun-lovin’ prankster, really seems to have had some impressive afterlife skills going for him immediately after his passing, and used them to play with his daughter while she wrote his eulogy… which turned out to be largely about this phenomenon!  The elders in the chapel were a-buzz with Gloria’s story.  The man sitting in front of me leaned over to the woman next to him asking, “Is she serious??”  She nodded.  I was on the edge of my seat smiling broadly at Gloria.  It was quite something to take in, at a “straight, military” memorial service!  — which ended with the music, Anchors Away. Gotta love it. Continue reading

Heath Ledger and the Long Hallway

“Whitehawk’s Afterlife Escort Service”

On Sunday, January 27, 2008, I met Heath Ledger. This may seem impossible (if not worse) for me to claim, considering Health had died the previous Tuesday.

Elsewhere are missives about my lifelong tendency to have OBEs, and my “night job” of escorting souls when they are ready to cross over. This article is about my surprising experience of escorting Heath Ledger after his death. I have no idea how I came to be on this particular ‘assignment.’ My experience in general re: such astral-girl.jpgthings is — I seem to be on a kind of auto-pilot. I’m just minding my own business when suddenly, I’m jetted off and plopped beside someone who’s ready to go, or needs to become ready to go (ie, they’re clueless and typically stuck in a perceptual loop of their last moments alive). I believe another level of myself (my Self) initiates this work, but consciously I just seem spontaneously impulsed to “arrive” and do something.

So — re: Heath — this happened on the morning of Sunday, Jan 27th. Heath had slipped into a ‘permanent dream state’ (died accidentally) on Tues Jan 22, which happened to be my birthday. My familiarity with him was pretty limited; I had seen two of his films, and he’s quite a bit younger than I, so did not loom large in my awareness (until his death hit the media of course).  As it happened, I was up ALL NIGHT the night before. Sleepless… sleepless… which in hindsight seems significant; ie, it helped that I was in border-zone  consciousness to be available in his timing, when ordinarily I’d be up and about, unlikely able to respond to this kind of ‘call.’  Anyway, I was just zoning at 9:00 that morning, which is when this happened, and it happened really fast. I can’t even say how it started; I can only share what I retained for sure when I returned to my ‘humming’ body.

My first lucid memory was of zooming along with Heath at my side… we had an ‘appointment’ to keep with a third party (this was an unusual element). Heath and I rocketed to a location that looked like a studio film lot!  When we saw the door to a particular “sound stage” on the left, we knew we had reached our destination, and there was an air of great joy and excitement in our arrival (between Heath and I, I mean).  (Interesting, this idea of a ‘stage,’ and ‘staging’ for an event such as this… Did you realize that when we pass, we enter an etheric ‘transition’  experience that’s tailor-made for us… probably by our own higher selves?  When I saw this scenario, I just thought, oo-hoo, how Hollywood!)

At the door of this building, a “guard” stood waiting; he was the connection we were there to make. This guard looked just like a security guard one would find at a bank, or place of business… or a film lot full of celebrities and deal-makers. (I later wondered if the guard motif was a representational pun of a guardian of Heath’s, ie, a guardian angel or ancestor or some such… “outfitted” in keeping with the whole studio theme playing out.) When Heath and I reached the guard, there were no words or politenesses exchanged; the guard was all business as he spun on his heel, ascended a few exterior steps, and opened the door to this building.

I knew this was the end of my role in this astral event. The guard went through the door; Heath glanced at me for a signal, and I gestured him toward/through the door with an affirming nod. He walked through after the guard. I stepped inside momentarily and saw that the guard had already sailed all the way down this long, long hallway, and Heath took off running to catch up with him! His shirttails were literally flying out behind him. (Yeah, he was clothed even tho he died naked.) He managed to glance over his shoulder to send me a wave with a beaming smile, which was nice to receive. I waved back and came ‘home.’  It was all quite exhilarating.

I thought about this a lot that day, and offer this bit of commentary. I had the sense that Heath was an old soul who came here for a brief but full experience on earth before the Stuff really hits the fan here. His death wasn’t intentional on the “Heath level,” but once it happened he ‘got it’ and was really moved (and validated) by all the love that poured out to him after the fact. He stuck around for a few days of that, but I suspect he was getting spun around in a gooey vortex of emotional energy, as the whole world was focused on him and obsessing about ‘how terrible’ it was for him to die. (Mourners can impede a soul’s afterlife progress.)

From what I gathered in my brief encounter, he was complete when he left, and he was one beaming, happy, liberated soul when I was with him. He was ready to go to his next ‘stage,’ even though the family funeral in Perth was still upcoming. (I’m sure he could tune into all of that from where he landed! But the energy of all the sad [and exploitative, media-wise] attention was too intense to remain engulfed in for long.)  Heath was conscious of what went on; he was ready and eager for the next thing.

I’ve shared this with some close friends…  and wondered if it would serve to share it in a more public way, with the intention to alleviate some grief, and let people know that from a higher perspective, Heath’s a radiant soul on his way to a beautiful afterlife by all indications.