Kundalini: Not a Game


Many are in search of ways to *launch* their kundalini. It seems all the rage now, to want this experience under one’s belt. Actually, I understand this craving for such an out-of-the-box experience, but I cannot warn you enough: this is not a thrill to be pursued like the latest recreational drug.

Kundalini is serious business, very serious; you become engaged with the fires of Divinity Itself — fires that can very easily burn you OUT if you are not prepared for such an occurrence (and I have doubts as to whether one CAN prepare for this particular event). Like any fire, kundalini can rage out of all control (all control by YOU, as kundalini can easily assume control OVER you).  In fact, if a person is running around seeking a kundalini awakening as tho it is the next “high” on their agenda, chances are good that it will not be a joy ride on the bliss train.

It’s my belief that kundalini is activating in more and more people currently because our entire planet is being recalibrated vibrationally, which is the behind-the-scenes reason why so much lower-level, dense crap is being shaken out of every nook and cranny now.  Everything — everything — that is not in high integrity, not aligned with the Good of All, is careening toward its expiration date.  You might imagine this as Shiva the Destroyer clearing the deck so that Shakti can come in and inspire the New, the Healed, the Whole.

Kundalini is also known as Shakti… Shakti in a powerfully directed form.  Actually, kundalini in my experience is more of a “figure 8” ongoing flow of exchange between destruction and recreation. The fire burns out a layer of blockages (which can be anything from emotional pain to physical problems to deep karmic issues that haven’t even been recognized consciously as yet, in body, mind or spirit) … and then a wave of healing and enlightenment may come in on a mission to create anew in one’s psyche, or body. And, repeat. Considering we have all been through many, many karma-accruing lives at this point, to have all that crap hit the fan en masse, as tends to happen when kundalini takes over one’s life, can be completely derailing, even debilitating.

Here’s a story from my own life that seems an apt metaphor to share on this subject. Actually, it seems a harbinger to what came next for me, re: kundalini!

About 13 years ago, my family home (where I grew up) ignited in an electrical fire around 3AM one frigid night. My father had just died a few months prior to this, leaving my mother alone and asleep upstairs while this fire blazed hot and fast downstairs. The house went up like a match. Mom was trapped in her bedroom, burned badly, and died later in the hospital. The most dread event of my life had come to pass in the most horrific way imaginable.house-fire

The house  — a wood frame construction — was a hideous burned-out hulk. The whole back end had to come down altogether, leaving the house standing completely split-in-half open for all to see, like a giant, charred dollhouse. This in itself was heart-breaking, as the sanctity of a home that housed a family for decades was now literally hanging open for all to gawk at and pilfer through, as the rear wall came down while the contents of the building were still inside.  All the siding was also stripped off the rest of the structure, to make way for new siding to (eventually) go up in the most extensive reconstruction a house could go through, without being completely razed to the ground first.  So for months the house stood like this, depressingly stripped to its barest, burnt bones.

That fire, and the way my sweet mother died, and the agonizingly slow process of all that happened in the wake of the fire, with estate legalities and insurance matters and siblings arguing about all of it was a multi-layered trauma that took years to get through, and then more years to get PAST.

Now: imagine the above scenario happening to your body, soul, and life.

Imagine a fire igniting in you over which you have no control. You were ‘asleep’ when it started and now find you are powerless to stop or avoid it.  The home of all that is familiar to you — the body you wear, the memories you hold, the love you knew, the relationships you had, and the very ways you related and interrelated with life in general — all gets burned away.  Someday, a garden may grow where the structure that was your life once stood.  But it may well be years–even decades!–before the debris and weeds are cleared, and sprouts of the New can reach for the sun.


I’m not saying it WILL. Every kundalini experience depends on the exact composition of elements (in the trans-lifetime history of the soul involved) being purged by the energy. If someone’s been saintly and selfless for his last 20 lifetimes, for instance, then perhaps a kundalini awakening will simply be a final bestowal of grace, with no blockages (karmic issues) to be detonated resolved along the way. There are some people for whom kundalini brings no problems, only ‘love, bliss, and clarity.’ The only one I ever met with this outcome had practiced yoga and lived snug in an ashram for 25 years. Which, incidentally, does NOT inherently mean she’d “naturally” have a beautiful experience. Because someone lives at the feet of a guru does not automatically mean they are enlightened or purified souls. It’s just as common for such a person to never have their own experience, because they are only looking to their guru, as opposed to forging their own personal connection with divinity.  But I digress…


If you are on a reverent spiritual path,

if your soul yearns for its creator, if you feel in your essence that you are in this life to — once and for all — finish your earthly karma and ascend to the next plane of existence, then please, please, proceed with responsibility, reverence, and caution.

By this I mean, take care of your body with clean and vibrant food.  Meditate on the Divine (which is not the same as visualizing what you want, a la The Secret) and open the door of your heart in devotion to the God In All, while closing it to lower or darker distractions. Love rampantly! Monitor your thoughts and re-route them when they are not the thoughts of a thoroughly compassionate being, as God is — as we ARE representatives of the Divine here on earth.

By taking a spiritually disciplined approach to your life, you are inherently beginning a “cleanse” of the lower self in gradual preparation to Meet the Divine.

I’m not saying I followed the above advice consistently, particularly after that fire, and all the loss and pain it brought. I have my share of ‘shews.  I have been utterly preoccupied with God and the spiritual most of my life, as well. My lifelong wealth of mystical experiences led me to study related materials to better understand what it was all about.  I didn’t emerge fresh out of some nightclub, spin around, and buy a ticket for the kundalini express.  I ALSO did not have an easy time of it!  I’m still integrating it to this day, in fact.

Adolescents obsessed with violent video games and horror flicks are not planting seeds for the new Eden. I’m just using this age and mindset as an example, no offense intended ~ we’ve all been teenagers! My point is, it’s been said, and it’s true, that the magnificent and infinite power/energies of God HAVE to be stepped down through the various realms before they reach us in highly diluted form here on earth. Otherwise we’d incinerate in their presence. I’m suggesting it’s prudent to intentionally “step yourself up” vibrationally to begin to resonate and integrate with the higher energies coming in.  Kundalini IS a divine energy that can incinerate overwhelm clueless people who seek its activity in their lives, with no proper preparation.

Even with YEARS of yoga and meditation behind them, some won’t experience awakened kundalini — it’s simply not in their souls’ timing to do so yet.  For others, kundalini revs up without warning and they have a fluttery flurry of “energies” in their bodies (which is actually prana moving in the lesser channels rather than full-out kundalini in the central channel), and then hop online to “sell kundalini” to the masses, which is SO IRRESPONSIBLE, it is beyond reprehension.  Someone says “I had an Awakening, it was GREAT!  For $250 I can help you have the same!” and people go like moths to the flame and perhaps lose all health and sanity because they got succored in to finding hell when they wanted a cheap pass into heaven. There is NO SUCH THING.

As I said in the beginning, kundalini is becoming more available, because vibrationally the entire planet is lifting. HOWEVER, kundalini is not a game or a thrill to be pursued.  It’s not like, “Oh, we had fun with The Secret; now let’s play with kundalini, cuz Beth’s cousin did it and now she can read the akashic records.”

The Divine Fire is as serious as it gets. I know. I have “signed up” for an intense journey in this life; it’s all been about the inner planes and all the ‘old demons’ that have been sucking energy from them, over lifetimes.  I’ve had two kundalini activations: one circa 1990, the other around the year 2000.  This second one (the Big One) went on for years, and like this story of the house, my body, psyche and soul have gone through some seriously trying and miserable periods. Granted, elements of insight and enlightenment were interspersed as well.  But after the energies leveled out… I was left with no idea re: how to relate to the ashes of my “past (former) life.”  I have been in a long, slow (can’t be pushed or rushed; impossible!) ‘new construction’ process for years.  I may outwardly resemble the woman who was “taken” by kundalini years ago. But inside, in my creational center, I’ve had to begin from scratch, with no magnetic core left (my former ego) to ‘pull in’ the usual life components (ranging from work to social and recreational interests) that would be conducive for continuity.  This has been my “stuck in neutral” experience that I alluded to in a post a few months ago but didn’t get into then.  As you can now see, it’s a major topic to take on.

Whew. This is quite a rant, but I’m posting it nonetheless. May it serve some of the many who find this blog by googling “how can I awaken my kundalini?”  Be very careful what you ask for.

Sending love,


3 comments on “Kundalini: Not a Game

  1. I can only agree with the above. About 13 years ago I’ve had a similar experience. I didn’t know what was happening and I was not looking for it either. Altough I’ve always been a searcher, I was not prepared for something this big. The experience is very hard to describe since our words are not adequate for such a thing. I didn’t have a refference because I never heard about Kundalini at that time. None of my friends had any clue. It took me at least a year to recover and indeed more time even to get it integrated. After the initial high that I felt, I plummeted into hell, that was anything but fun. At the moment I thought I was losing my mind or even died. It’s a long way up from that place, maybe I’m still climbing… I can’t imaging what people would have to go through if they have a lot of spiritual and emotional bagage to work through.


  2. Great work, thank you for taking the time to share your experiences with all honesty and Ernesty. I’ve been going through a similar experience for the last 8 years or so, and I have had hundreds, even thousands of awakenings over countless lifetimes and they just keep on coming and I am at the point now where all I experience is pure gratitude for those who have any form of love, sanity, and peace of mind everywhere in this world. There is so much love and beauty here its really a blessings for those who have that love. I was an avatar many times and healed about 4000 people a few thousand years ago and have been burning their karma non stop for 1003 lifetimes. This is what I have been told by the Kundalini. I’ve been an abortion and all kinds of other torture subjects and everything one can imagine and finally I am told by the Kundalini that I have managed to balance enough Karma to be able to survive to the age of 32. I’m went through a similar experience as you, though I was forced to run away from home and my family and everything I ever knew, and now I am living in a tropical jungle more or less working for the most hardcore social activist on earth, Ken O’Keefe. I’ve been offered many opportunities to become an avatar, to ignite another religion, put and end to the great wars of our time, and to be able to do healings or cast out demons and entities among the populations, however as I have progressed throughout this lifetime, I have learned much about the karmic implications of such acts, which I am told by the Kundaini, often end up coming back upon those who commit. Aka, what people go through is nearly all Karmic in nature, and if you take away their problems, you may end up burning it for them. I would much rather help people to better themselves than to take it all away and do the work for them. At times I would trade it all for a simple life without anything to do with an actual Kundalini awakening, just to love God as an average human being. The pain and suffering that I had and continue to go through has left me grateful for every simple life free from any concern or worry. I see every simile, every act of grace and every gesture of love as God himself. I often see people all around me living in such high vibrations that it leaves me in awe and wonder and gratitude that God allows people that have and to hold that kind of beauty and freedom, which they may not even recognize but yet they live it, they are it. Everything appears to be improving over time, for the most part, and for that I am grateful.

    I’ve been possessed by demons most of this lifetime, and they usually appear as family members, and apparently my family is possessed as well and these forces jump between us. My father and mother possessed my body just the same, I even watched as my father stumbled backwards and fell to the ground after I Kundalini used the Apan mudra upon my third Chakra, forcing his vibrations out of my energetic system. There was a dissonant energy resonant in my chakra as he screamed and nearly attacked me merely for listening to meditation music. This mudra pushed him out and he couldn’t control himself at all. He was a feeder and used those vibrations to control others, as he could not control himself. I have some pretty nasty Karma and my family was chosen for the job. They were among the few able to balance that kind of karma. I forgave everything and moved on, and this has gone a long way to balance that karma. I had so many demons and entities taking over my body at one point I didn’t even remember who I was; I couldn’t even recognize what was me and what wasn’t. For the last year or two the Kundalini has used these demons to torment me and control me to the point where I learned to tolerate almost everything, even death itself. For a time anyway. I had to hang myself once for the divine and was asked to shatter my toes with a barbell and then go jogging on them, and cut my arms and hit my bones with rocks as hard as possible… thankfully the noose broke, (unfortunately, so did my toes… pieces of my bone are laying on the side of the road where I went jogging) and my ceiling fan also broke in half just before this happened and the walls began vibrating just to prove to me the divine was in control of everything and to have no fear. I did it with all faith and certitude, but the healing process was a difficult one… I had to forgive everything to be able to live with this because you need to have trust and faith and love to remain in balance, and it doesn’t leave once it awakens so one must find a way to live with it, and its not always easy. I am told 25% commit suicide. I gladly offered my life and my body because I had faith and trust in the divine more than anything and wanted others to as well… sometimes I got hurt very badly, sometimes I was protected miraculously, but eventually these acts of devotion and faith lead me to resist any suggestion and offers to harm my body; Christ was also offered to jump from the temple, and he resisted this. I learned to be very, very careful what I oblige to. So many people claimed it was a demon or whatever else, but I know it was God who pretty much forced this all to happen, as he/she uses the demonic as well. I was also offered an opportunity to burn all my remaining bad karma (12 lives worth) in just one lifetime, in exchange to be with God forever, never to incarnate again. I made a pact with the divine and it happened. I had to burn off so much Karma in so little time that I almost never made it out alive, certainly my ego, and even my “self” died over and over again but my body and memories survived, only to reconstruct what was left of my personality. I eventually broke the pact and learned to be very careful what I ask for and agree to. I learned to be patient and say, we’ll see, perhaps we will decide later when I have a better idea of what is going on, now is not the time. So many Avatars, we are told, have ascended, yet here we are again. I have my doubts about an eternal heaven or abode. Heaven begins where your feet touch the ground. Yesterday I was given a skill to cast out demons from people and I have no plan to exercise it. Often Demons and entities are karmic in nature and if one removes them then, so I am told, I could end up taking these demons upon myself in another life or even in this one. I want a simple life, free from all the bullshit that this world offers, to live and love and help and serve and do things I need to have a balanced life without being possessed and tormented by these parasites. The divine controls and uses the demonic for its own agenda, all that is evil is under the control of the same force that animates all things and would not have its power would the divine not allow it. The Kundalini has, on many occasions, taken them away in the blink of an eye and told me she controls all of them, and uses them to burn away my karma. Why Kundlaini people go through so much I do not understand but I assume what you are saying is true. The job of the Avatar I am told is to bring the new teachings at the end and beginning of each age, along with a religion and to clear out the lower astral from all the cobwebs and evil and entities and garbage and raise the vibrations of not only the world but the cosmos.

    I have been told time and again that one must be aware of the karmic implications before healing or casting out demons, otherwise one may in this life or perhaps another, become the subject of the same karma. I’ve been learning to balance my karma using various techniques and the only ones I have found to be successful are mantras, most effectively with Ayahuasca. “Thiru Neela Kantam” and “Om Makaral Shivia Nama Ha” are very powerful mantras, along with sincere devotion directed towards the divine or any of higher qualities you see in this world, and among the populations. “Hare Krsna” is probably the most powerful mantra there is. There is a lot of love and beauty to be found with the Kundalini and I am grateful for every beautiful experience that I have had and I am grateful that there are those who’s Kundalini and karma allows them to have a beautiful and balanced experience. Selfless service can go a long way to mitigate some of the negative experiences one may go through; All I can say is endure, keep moving on and one day you will find that peace of mind.


  3. Kundalini came to find me, Christmas Eve, 2006.

    This picture, here, of me ~ my “Avatar” ~ was taken on the Autumn Equinox (we have Winter in July, in Australia), as I basked in the Divine Love-Glow of my own Kundalini, by candlelight… I was alone, listening to “Cher” on the record player; the party had died. (“Heart of Stone” album – but I currently can’t recall which song…)

    I felt I should capture the moment (old phones, you know); the image was completely black, and through vast manipulation, this was as bright and detailed as I could get it, so I could see it.

    I Loved that moment. River of hot gold, inner-sun, warmed my chest, that I had to touch it.

    My Kundalini was triggered by True Love’s gaze ~ in this moment, I was owning the aftermath. Owning *my* Love, my Light, my Darkness, my Power.

    Indeed; mine was Sushumna Nadi Rising ~ at the time, I had no idea what was happening to me, and thanks to the internet, I was learning.
    I also did not know of (nor believe in) the phenomena of “Twin Flames”, but I kid you not: when True Love and I locked eyes, standing beside him, was a man named “Thomas Love”; ‘Thomas’ means TWIN.

    ~ it was all SO intense, I had to write a book; called FOLLOWING MOIRA (the Moirae being “The Weaver Goddess”, The Three Sisters of Fate, *actual* Synchronicity in Motion…)
    For the curious, my book can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MardiShakti

    Sorry to hear about your tragic house-fire trauma, and the loss of your sweet mother. x

    Please enjoy this oldest known recorded melody that I am presently swaying with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpxN2VXPMLc


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s